Hope

Okay. I'm gonna be honest with y'all for a minute. It's been a rough couple of days. We all have them. The days where you just get into a funk you can't get out of. You forget everything awesome about your life and focus on the one thing that's not perfect. You close off, reject God's blessings, God's will.

That's over for now thanks to the amazing blessing I just received in the form of my small group.

I had been undecided about how I fit into this group. Sometimes I loved it; other times I wasn't so sure. Tonight was just amazing. I made a decision to not think about the time or what I was going to do after. I was present. I stayed after to socialize. I think I'm on my way to a Godly relationship with these people. Praise Him for that. He knows I need it.

I opened up. The topic this week was suffering and how Satan uses that to take us away from God. See, God can give us clarity and wisdom in tough situations, but if we push Him away, we are left with Satan, who purposefully blinds us to bring us to his side. I told them about when Josh died. My anger and sadness. I became totally vulnerable with them for the first time. I was scared, but it was so rewarding. I feel so close to them right now. This is one of the most amazing things God has done for me.

I've been feeling a bit alone. I have some great friends here in Chicago. Close friends that I feared before moving here that I'd never have again. I have nothing to complain about in that area. But now I have a Bible Study. One with whom I'm vulnerable and get support in return.

One of the questions was how does God give us clarity. I told them about Sarah and how she's always honest with me and how God uses her to help me see the truth. I told a story about my pride and tendency for the dramatic emotions, and they laughed like the girls in my CRU Bible Study used to. I'm glad my storytelling skills are not lost on yankees :)

I am just so thankful right now. I feel blessed even though I don't deserve it. I've been accusing God of abandoning me. What was I thinking? He led me here, and he led me to these people. Most of them have been here less than a year. We all need each other. For those of you who I confide in, thanks for your prayers. Things are looking so good.