Proof

Last night was kind of weird. A mixture of pms, whiskey, and talking about my family a few hours before had me in a mood of the worst kind. The cold and rain didn't hurt either. I had plans to take pictures with Wes and John Mark and assumed we'd hang out after, which we did. I didn't feel like talking; I didn't feel like dancing or laughing or having fun. I was feeling so sensitive. Looking back on it, obnoxiously so, although at the time, I blamed it on them. I eventually got my mind off of it for a while and had a good time.

This morning I woke up ready to withdraw. I thought maybe I was spending too much time with the same people. My nights are getting redundant. Same places, same whiskey, every night. I had decided to take a break from it all.

I had an appointment to set up a membership at a local gym, so I went there at noon today. After a while of touring the gym and setting things up, I had the following conversation:

Guy: I feel like I need to say something to you.

Me: What?

Guy: Are you a Christian?

Me: Yeah...

Guy: I just feel like God is telling me to talk to you.

Me: *Wide-eyed look*

Guy: It's just, when I was talking to you on the phone and now here today I got a feeling about you. Are you a creative person?

Me: Well, yeah, kinda, I'm a writer.

Guy: I figured that.

He goes on to tell me that he thinks I'm sensitive and wise. That sometimes I get upset easily because I experience emotions strongly. That's what makes me creative. He says I help people with their problems because I'm a good listener and sensitive to feelings, that I understand feelings. That I can help because God speaks through me because I open myself up to the Holy Spirit. He says he's the pastor of a small church.

Typing it out, it sounds cheap. It sounds like some kind of lame psychic reading, and I'm doing a bad job relating it.

Anyway, he talked about how people withdraw from others because of things that have happened in the past or with our families or something, but it's important not to because relationships are the most important thing about Christianity.

I can't remember all the things he said, but they all hit me so hard that I almost cried there in his office. I told him I thought the Holy Spirit must be speaking through him because I desperately needed to hear those things at that very moment. He asked if we could pray together in his office. I said yes, of course, so he closed the door, and he prayed for a while. He said amazing things. He said he felt like I was fully the Lord's, that I could help people, that I had so much love. It was one of the best prayers I've ever heard because it felt so spirit filled. I cried.

I guess God had a message for me, and I wasn't opening myself up enough to hear it on my own.