Romans 12:18

Romans 12:18 says "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."

When I look back on the times this verse has changed my life for the better, I'm overwhelmed. I remember the first time I looked at this verse specifically. Sarah, my always wise mentor, revealed it to me when I was asking her for advice about what to do about a friend with whom I'd had a falling out.

I've had a lot of falling outs in my lifetime. I'm sure others must have, too, but I feel like I have too many. I pretty much started out life by falling out with my dad, and I've harbored a lot of anger since then. Since childhood I felt anger before I could even know the word. Anger at being abandoned, forgotten. Then my mother made an unfortunate choice for my stepfather, and I had more anger. Anger that she didn't choose me. Anger that he didn't see me as his daughter but rather as one to be tolerated in his house. Anger that he didn't financially support but drained my mom. Feeling anger at such a young age, I've grown accustomed to it to the point that anger seems natural. It's like a malignant tumor spreading through my body without my even realizing it until it's too late, and I've lost a friend.

The abandonment issue is the thing that most readily makes me angry. It's really sadness that manifests as anger because anger is easier for me to control. When I feel abandoned, I close off. I want to forget that person mattered to me because I want to forget I was abandoned by them.

I honestly believe that you're better off without some people, and just because you remove them from your life doesn't mean you aren't at peace with them. The first time I was really burdened by a falling out was in college. I had been friends with her for over a decade, and I let my anger and sadness go too far. I was burdened for two years, missing her but feeling too abandoned to recognize my wrongness. Finally, in light of this verse and thanks to Sarah's godly guidance I contacted my friend and now she is once again one of the dearest people to me. Even if only for this reason, I thank God for this verse.

This verse also helped reconcile me with my dad (with whom I hadn't spoken for four years), it taught me how to get peace with a former best friend because even though reconciliation wasn't possible from his perspective, I had done what I could do, and now it will help me with a friend I lost a few months ago.

It doesn't quite seem that I've been in Chicago long enough to have made and lost friends, but there is one whose friendship has slipped through my fingers. He was a dear friend, but he has some characteristics and behavior patterns I find it difficult to respect, and he drug my best friend into them. My irritation escaladed out of control, and we didn't speak for months until Wes and I saw him at the grocery store last night. I texted him last night saying we should talk, and he said he'd like that. My goal is to have peace with him because Paul's right. Sometimes we can't be at peace because we can't control the actions of others, but so far as ourselves are concerned, peace with everyone would truly be a Utopia, and I know from experience that it's hard and scary to put yourself out there, but God sees His will done, and he looks out for those who try to please Him.