My Granny

Well, I deleted my last post. I don't think I said anything out of line, and I'm not even sure anyone reads this, but I was PMSing when I wrote it, and I've decided to wait and see if I still feel that way afterwards...lol

Anyway, I've been thinking a lot about my granny lately. For those of you who don't know, my granny is my great-grandma, my mom's mom's mom. She kept me when I was young, and I feel like we're kindred spirits. I wish I could have known her as an adult (she died when I was 14), so I could have gotten some real insight from her. Now I just speculate about what she would like and what she would approve of. I've always thought about her a lot. During every visit to Hazard I drive by her old house, and I usually go to her grave. I used to dial her number on my phone 436-4847, and not push send, just look at the numbers on my screen and wish I could send the call and she would answer. Since I've moved to Chicago, though, I've been thinking about her more than usual.

This is relevant; just follow me.

I realized last night that I've been counting on the wrong things here. I did make it a priority to find a church, but that's really the extent of my spirituality in Chicago. I've been hoping for A's and for friends, but I haven't been hoping to be closer to God. Last night I felt God telling me "You need Me." Why didn't I realize that before? I felt this longing for fellowship. I was so blessed in Bowling Green to have that, and I need that here. I'm making this a priority. I think the reason I've been feeling down is because this need is lacking in my life here.

So I was reading a Beth Moore book, and she has a story about her grandma. She says her grandma was thinking "I'll never know what you do in this world, but I can only hope." I like to think of my granny thinking this about me. She probably knew she'd never know me as an adult. I don't suffer under any delusion that she is seeing me now. She's in Heaven worshipping God. Why would she want to be watching my dull life? But I do wonder if she'd be proud. Or would she be mad that I left my family? I wish she could have known that I'd never forget about her or really even ever stop thinking about her. That she's always in the back of my mind in every decision I make.

Even though she's be dead for over 9 years now, she will never really die because she taught me how to be a Christian. She taught me how to read, write, how to be a student. She taught me about the Bible. Her meticulous saving is the main reason I was able to go to college without worrying about money. In all these things, she will live on at least until I die. If I have children and teach then Christianity, she will live on in them. If I write a book, she will live on in that. She'll never know unless Heaven is the kind of place in which I can tell her, but I hope that she hoped for that. I hope she saw something special in me.